Life Happened...

I was doing so good on taking walks most days and eating a bit more sensibly. There's been so much stress the last couple of days with Dave's mom being in the hospital and in critical condition. There's a chance she may not make it. I've been not taking walks and have been emotional eating like crazy. I'm not going to let this get me down for good, I've got to get back to it. The walks do help clear my head and make me feel more capable of managing my stress. There's going to come a point where I just can't keep letting life get in the way. Every time I let that happen, all the good I do gets undone. Life and stress happen and there's nothing we can do to prevent it all. All I can do is start breaking the cycle of emotional eating. Emotional eating makes the stress and negative emotions so much worse because of the guilt that comes from it. I can't keep standing in my own way, I need to stop being my own worst enemy. Things right now are super difficult. Life doesn't stop because I'm trying to lose weight. It still goes on, things still happen, stress still exists. It's my coping skills that need a bit more work. It will take some time, but I will overcome this.

Walking

I've decided to start walking as exercise. I've taken a 15 minute walk each day for the last three days. I know that 15 minutes really isn't that long, but it's a start that I can commit to and build off of. The dog has also loved the walks, almost more than I have. The first day I took my walk, my feet and ankles really hurt afterward. It didn't hurt near as bad today and I know it will get better over time. I've been posting on facebook when I get back from my walk and have had some really positive comments. Everyone's "likes" and "good job" have really helped me get the excuses out of my head. Fifteen minutes really isn't hard to find before I go to work. The walks have been really good for my head, and have even helped my pain go away a little. My goal is to work up to 30 minutes by the end of the month. It's completely within my reach as long as I keep it up. I'm not sure about becoming a runner, but walking is something I can really enjoy and stick with.

Night Munchies

I can do pretty well on eating healthy all day and then the night comes. I get terrible cravings for sweets after work and even later on weekend nights. I have to figure out exactly why I have the most trouble late. It could be that I'm tired from the day, hurting worse, a bit on my mind, or even a combination of all that. I know that to succeed, I need to find the cause of my over eating and my cravings for sweets. I do know I've had emotional eating issues for a long time. I really want to break free from those issues and get rid of the excess fat. It almost feels like a prison I built around myself. I not only dislike my appearance, but also how I feel. I have little energy, hate buying clothes, and feel real blah most of the time. Life should be more than this and it will be once I control my eating instead of it controlling me.

The Ugly Truth

I'm going to get down to the hard numbers of this.  Right now, I weigh 266 pounds and wear a (true) size 22 in jeans.  I have a few jeans that say they're a 22, but they are more like an 18.  I wear either a 1x or 2x in shirts, rarely a 3x but have had to buy if they are cut small.  My ultimate goal is to get down to a jeans size 14-16.  I'm not sure what size my shirts will be then, but I know they will be a lot smaller. 

My food journal is already showing me that I eat way too much junk food and not enough veggies.  I knew that to begin with but it seems to have more impact if I have to write it down.  I need to get control of my emotional eating, it's one of the biggest stumbling blocks for me.  I've spent way too long drowning my feelings in chocolate, I usually wind up feeling worse afterward.  Food is meant to be fuel for our bodies, not something to keep us standing when times get tough.  There's a book I'd like to read that deals with the subject of emotional eating and how to get past it, "Life is hard, Food is easy".  It will probably be the next book I buy for my Nook.  It's supposed to help the reader get down to the root of the problem and provide steps on how to ultimately overcome emotional eating.  From the free preview I read, it seems like it will be very informative and thought provoking.  I'll most likely post my thoughts on it when I'm finished reading.  I have the want to, just need some help getting past the emotional side of my eating habits.

Getting Started

Well, here I am starting the weight loss journey yet again.  My weight was pretty steady until about 3 months ago.  Even then, I needed to lose about 60 pounds.  Now, it's closer to 75 pounds to lose.  Part of the recent weight gain was a medicine I was trying to help dull my chronic pain.  I'm not on that medicine anymore, but the pain is still here.  I'm a terrible emotional eater.  My pain acts up, I eat more, I gain weight, I feel more pain...and the cycle goes on.

I wanted to blog about this so I can keep myself on track.  I have a bad habit of self-sabotage, one lousy day and I seem to throw it all away.  That cycle has to end, one bad food day is not the end of the world.  I also want to keep myself accountable by giving friends and family the link to this blog.  I have some great people in my life that will share in my successes and also be there when I stumble. 

I've decided to start a food journal so I can see exactly what I'm eating and how I need to change.  I know some of the changes I need to make, but seeing in in print will be a big help.  I've done the food journal in the past with good results.  That part of my journey will probably not be blogged, but I haven't quite decided yet.  Since I have so much weight to lose, I'm going to break it down into 10 pound goals.  Losing 10 pounds seems much more manageable than 75.  I'll take small steps until I reach  my end goal.  Here I go on what will hopefully be my last trip down the road to being healthy.